Thoughts on the Train

Bleak is the horizon Darkness in front of me  Confused by my emotions And the fear that I live daily a light breaks in the distance a small sliver of warmth.  You walk towards me And I see you You save me I see you You slay me I see you You move me I see you You love me Down a dark street I walk Not knowing where I’m going Nor where I came from  Confused  by time Turn down an alley Darkness follows me a streetlight shines Lighting the dark Chasing the shadows away And I see you again  You walk towards me  and take my hand in yours You know me I see you  You hold me I see you You love me I see you  You found me Like a miracle told in stories fairytales come true You show me the beauty around me I see the color of the roses And smell their sweet sweet scent You point to the sky I see endless blue Stretching before me  Gone is the dark horizon Gone is the fear and confusion Gone because I now know Standing side by side next to you  The fear...

I have been reluctant to write down the “stories” of my life because frankly, I think they would be boring to anyone else who reads them. My friend Daphne has consistently encouraged me to write about my life and I continue to resist. I continue to say, “nope...my life is boring.” Daphne herself is an excellent writer so I will take her advice and start with this one single story. A friend of mine wrote to me recently asking questions about a rather miraculous “treatment” I had undergone when we were both in India back in 1996. A friend of hers is dealing with terrible back pain and she thought of my situation where I went from being unable to walk to no pain and walking the next day. She was wondering if I could recall the “treatment” I underwent all those years ago. It’s a pretty unusual story so here it goes. To tell the story right, I have to give a little bit of background on how I, a 25-year-old from Oregon got myself to India. I have never been one to shy away from a new exp...

Oh, what a world. Do you ever wonder if in a different time and a different space under different circumstances, if another “you” has made that same statement? Maybe it was a young mother watching as the waters rushed through her small village taking her family and her life away in an alluvial flood plain in Mesopotamia. Or maybe it was the Jewish leaders watching as Queen Salome Alexandra died along with the independence of their people. Oh, what a world. Maybe it was a child, standing on Calvary, watching Jesus die and wondering why the act of helping people would deserve death. Maybe it was a crusader sticking his sword through the heart of a “Heretic” wondering, “Why am I doing this?” Oh, what a world Maybe it was a mother holding the corpse of her husband during the black death or a child screaming in fear as the plague doctor comes to take her parents' corpses away. Oh, what a world Or maybe it’s the man holding his lovers’ hand as that lover takes his las...

I am white. I don’t know what it's like to experience racism. I do know what it's like to experience discrimination. I’m gay and a Gen X’er. When I was in high school, I knew there were several other guys, and probably girls, that were attracted to the same sex. But none of us spoke about it or even intimated it for fear of repercussions from our back-woods hick community. Once we were out of high school…we were all able to come out of the closet and start to live our lives as open as we could. And to their credit, many of the people who bullied me in school turned out to be very decent people. Writing these few lines of what my fear was like when I realized I was gay are, in no way, a comparison to what it is like to be black or brown in America today. It is simply my way of showing I know discrimination. Not racism. I have imagined in my mind's eye a black father sitting down with his son and having a very different conversation then my father had with me. My father ...

I admit it. I don't understand it. How can the richest most powerful nation in the world, suddenly turn into the crazy uncle no one else wants to sit with at the holidays. I mean seriously. The G6 nations don't include us in their briefings anymore? We have "defunded" the World Health Organization? Inject disinfectant into the body? Seriously? And let us not forget that the pandemic response team created due to the ebola epidemic, was disbanded because of penis envy between the orange monster and our last president. And because of that envy....more Americans have died in the past two months than in the entire Viet Nam War. And our leaders say, "We are working hard. Everyone who wants a test can get a test. Everything is great. We're doing really really good." ALL LIES and I am tired of being lied to. What colored glasses are they looking through? Clearly, they are the color that only sees power and money. The glasses that see how much money...

I have to admit.... a friend of mine, someone who I respect immensely, shared this on Facebook. I read through it and while parts of it made me uncomfortable, they are all part of the human experience. It is the same anywhere in the world. We are only divided by walls of our own making.  I wish I knew who the author was. If this is your work...please email or message me. I'd love to thank you and give you credit. "A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE THAT MIGHT BE HELPFUL. WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT ... I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it's not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.  Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa. For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee.  For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis. For some that live alone, they're facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest ...

I love music. I listen to it as much as I can. I used to listen to it on my way to work in the car, I'd listen to it in my hotel layover room and of course when I hit the gym. (Wait, what's a gym?) Certain songs would affect me differently. Some would get me all psyched up to got to work like Lizzo's "Juice", while others would calm me down after a particularly hard day such as "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips. And then there were the ones that just make you move. You know those songs. They are the ones that you dance to when no one is looking and you REALLY let your self go wild. For me, there are several options for that kind of song but today it was "Get Outta My Way" by Kylie Minogue. And of course, there are the songs that make you think...either through reflection or introspection. Today that song was "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. When I got on my exercise bike, (thank god we bought one before they tripled in price) I p...

It has been a long time since I've written. I see that as a major failure on my part. There is always something to write about. Always hopes and fears and joy and tears. I only have one excuse. Life got away from me. Oh, I could use the excuse that I had writers' block or I didn't have anything to write about but that would be bullshit so I'm being as honest and transparent as I can. I forgot the simple fact that writing is MY time. It is for ME to express through words MY emotions and thoughts, MY joy, pain, and fear. We, my partner and I are under the "shelter in place" advisory as we live in NYC. We have not left our apartment for the past 30 days except to gather grocery deliveries or the mail. That is when I realized I had plenty to write about and plenty of time to do it in. So bear with me as I analyze the best things to help me, us and hopefully you, reach some sense of sanity on what is going on around us, with a little bit of humor combined with r...