Today I Question



I have not written in a very long time.
Mostly because I was happy. Some because I was sad.
Today I write because the need has fallen upon me.

The past week has been hectic and stressful.
Lovers quarrels, relationships on the verge of collapse, both mine and others.
Bombs destroying the safety of yet another American city.
Its occupants feeling threatened at every corner.
A flash of remembered pain from 9/11 while I watch the news.
Numb with the loss of life and the pain.

I question everything at the moment.
I question as to whether or not love is real or just a fairy tale told to children to give them hope.
I question the limit one will go to for the love of another, man or women.
I question why people fight.
I question why bombs are created.
I question the destruction of lives and the reshaping of our universe…..once again.

I question my place in the world.
What have I done with a life given back to me time and time again?
 Am I doing the right thing? Where is my passion? Where is my love?
I have asked these questions of myself hundreds of times but today they burrow into my soul making me doubt my own meaning.
Love: I look at my life and know I love deeply the one I’m with. I cannot speak for them but feel it’s warm return.
Purpose: I look at my life and am proud to have been an example of strength and survival to so many in the past.
Today: I look at my life and wonder, had I been in Boston and seen the hooded figure near the trashcan, would I have investigated out of curiosity? Could I have stopped it from happening?

Three questions; one of love, one of purpose, and one for today.
Two I have answers for.
The third I do not.

Eric Hodgson  4/15/2013

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