Where Has My Joy Gone?

I turn over,
as the sun creeps through the window shade,
resentfull of the intrusion.

Another day has arrived
waking me from my dream-filled slumber.
I open my eyes.
I stare at the ceiling.
I wonder, where has my joy gone?


It seems I had it once.
I remember it's heat,
It burned like a hearth fire inside my soul.

So much I looked forward to.
So much more yet to see.
I can tell it's still there,
the lite warmth keeps me going.


The joy is there in my soul, 
but only tendrils exist,
in my mind,
of the desire that once was.

My strength seems to have left me.
I stand in a crowded room, anxious.
So easy to be in a crowded room yet be alone.
I can sense my joy burning within me.
But something is holding it back.
I am here to find it.

I wait for its return, needing there to be a scent of hope on the wind.
I feel it flutter against my face,
perhaps this will be my stop,
perhaps here, I will find my joy again.

The moment passe,s
and yet, 
still I stay in this place of loss.

It is not an unkind place
but not one I want to get used to residing in.
It is somewhere between,
hope and despair.


A place that we all make for ourselves,
to hide and cower in,
and protect us when we feel nothing else will .

Yet hope is stronger than despair.
And while the wind still blows through my mind,
the scent of hope exist,
fanning the flames of joy in my soul. 

I will find my joy again,
The soul survives.

EH July 7th 2011
On the M train

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