Thoughts on the Train

Not easily written about if you have little experience. My first love.....so long ago, Friend Companion Lover You left me too soon, but I never lost my love for you. 15 years it took to come back together and I still remember our love making like it was yesterday. Passionate, caring, needful. I regret not returning to you when you asked... I will always love you.....Always. My second love......nearly 20 years later. Hard Rough Generous Sensual Kind Compassionate Caring Kinky Misunderstood Lover I gave my heart to you without even knowing it. You will always be the light that shines brightest on me in my darkest hours. An anchor that holds me firm when my resolve fades. Friends told me to run from you. I told them, " You cannot choose who you love, the heart knows what the heart wants." Craziness Confusion Expressive Passion Apology Love All these things I felt with you. But among them all, Love remains the strongest. You asked me to m...

I turn over, as the sun creeps through the window shade, resentfull of the intrusion. Another day has arrived waking me from my dream-filled slumber. I open my eyes. I stare at the ceiling. I wonder, where has my joy gone? It seems I had it once. I remember it's heat, It burned like a hearth fire inside my soul. So much I looked forward to. So much more yet to see. I can tell it's still there, the lite warmth keeps me going. The joy is there in my soul,  but only tendrils exist, in my mind, of the desire that once was. My strength seems to have left me. I stand in a crowded room, anxious. So easy to be in a crowded room yet be alone. I can sense my joy burning within me. But something is holding it back. I am here to find it. I wait for its return, needing there to be a scent of hope on the wind. I feel it flutter against my face, perhaps this will be my stop, perhaps here, I will find my joy again. The moment passe,s and yet,...

Tonight I watched a woman make a child smile she did not know. On the subway, the youngster was playing with a plastic lightsaber with absolute abandon. One of those elongated hollow plastic tubes with a flashlight type gadget at the other end. When he brandished it at the woman sitting across from him she cowered in fear to his squeals of delight. His parents seemed oblivious to the interaction but I was keen on how this would progress. With the first giggle began a makeshift game of hide and seek. The boy would brandish his light saber at the stranger and she would act out in fear. He giggled with each act of the game but soon it was the woman's train stop and she would need to go. As the train pulled into her station she playfully frowned at the boy as she stood to leave . she stood at the doors and waved goodbye to the boy . as the doors opened the boy brandished his light saber one final time . As the subway doors slid open, the woman feigned a dramatic...

I sit here alone, ordering a drink for one, that was meant for two. You walked away from me. Without a thought, without a care. No words were spoken. And I am left behind painfully to bleed, like a slowly seeping wound, wondering what I did wrong, until my heart, once again, recovers. I can't believe it was what you wanted. I can't believe this is the person you are. Someone who is invested in love, only to hurt. I took a chance on you, let my defenses slip. Then you left. Without a thought, without a care. Now those defenses are back, and pity the next in line. For love is painful and cruel but we seek it still. After all this.... still I sit, alone, in a brightly lit bar, ordering a drink for one, that was meant for two. EH JUL 2 2011 10:16pm on the E train